Hitting the Snooze Button, Again and Again and Again

Who invented the snooze button?  And why?

I know, I should Google it, and I probably will later.  Right now I just want to wonder about it.

Sleeping in, just a few more minutes, can’t be such a bad thing.  A snooze button lets me do just that without the risk of messing up my morning schedule and messing up the day as a consequence.  How convenient to reach out a hand from beneath the warm blankie and tap, push or bang the snooze.  After all, five more minutes of that bizarre, amazing, ridiculous or outrageous dream might be what gets me through the day.  Five to eight more minutes of semi-sleep might be just what I need to be alert enough the avoid the cereal eating or makeup applying drivers.

Who am I kidding here?  That dream has left the building the moment the alarm went off and it’s as elusive as an Arizona Jackalope.   I’m also just awake enough that those extra minutes aren’t restful at all.

And if I were really being upfront with you, I’d admit that when I’m setting the alarm at bedtime there is a bit of creative logic as well as some basic math at work.  First I have my ideal wake up time; ideal in terms of fitting everything on my list into my day.  So that becomes my alarm setting.  But then I might remember I’ve got X or Y or Z scheduled which is out of the ordinary and I subtract a bit of time from my sleep meter.  But then I rationalize that items M, C, J and maybe even V could be put off until the weekend, and so I add a few minutes to the sleep meter.  Then I remember the snooze button, which I know, for certain I will hit once, probably twice, if not three times, and so I have to compensate for that. To accommodate those extra, lost minutes adjustments are made.  So I’m not really getting extra sleep.

Ironically, I then set a second alarm, which is my real, absolute-last-possible-minute-to-get-out-the-door-on-time wake up call.  That’s the one I usually stumble out of bed with.

My son researched various alarm systems to get himself out of bed and into work on time.  Many were very creative and a bit pricey.  One launches a mini helicopter into the room and you have to catch it to turn off the alarm.  Sounds like a high potential for injury.  Another alarm he found has wheels roams the room; you have to find the thing in your sleep dazed state to turn it off.  Being a resourceful DIY kinda guy, with a limited income, my son built his own fail safe alarm system after his internet research.  He rigged his existing clock radio to the music/alarm speaker in his bedroom, but the real clock, with the snooze button and the off button, are located across the hallway on the far side of the bathroom.  To get rid of the annoying wake up sounds requires waking up enough to A) be upright, B) walk, and C) find his way into the bathroom, to D) turn off the alarm.  He then merely needs lean over, turn on the shower, and voilà! the wakeup is complete.  I think he is a super-genius.

What I really need is a button that works like a low voltage Taser, zapping me out of my bed in one smooth movement into a standing position.  I think I’d learn to wake up just ahead of my alarm with a button like that.

Maybe the snooze button is misnamed.  It really ought to be called a procrastination button.

I think I’m gonna need a nap today.

Do you have any creative wakeup strategies?  Any suggestions for your fellow readers you care to share?

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Categories: Humor | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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