Twenty-five Jokes to Liven Up Your Day

My cousin texted this photo to me this morning. It’s her view out the front door.

Colorado, May, Northern Hemisphere.

Colorado, May, Northern Hemisphere.

Did I mention that it’s May? In the Northern Hemisphere? The high temperature there today? Thirty-nine. Brrr.

Now here’s the view from my front door.

I think I prefer my view today.

May, Arizona, Northern Hemisphere.

The high temperature here? We’re shooting for eighty-six. Mmm. Not too bad.

I think the joke is on my cousin today.

Don’t worry, she’ll get her revenge in a month or two when it’s one hundred sixteen degrees here and she’s basking in the seventies.

In an attempt to lighten up, I’ve been posting jokes on one of my other social media sites this past month. I thought I ought to share the love a little and post some of those jokes here on my blog. I’ve even thrown in a few new ones that haven’t seen the light of day yet.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?

A Cockerpoodledoo.

 

What do you call a camel with a hump?

Humphrey.

 

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?

Because their kids have to play inside.

 

A man walked into the doctors, he said, “I’ve hurt my arm in several places.”

The doctor said, “well, stay away from those places.”

 

Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name?

 

I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day…

but I couldn’t find any.

 

What did the mother rope say to her child?

Don’t be knotty.

 

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

― Milton Berle

 

What did one frog say to the other?

Time’s sure fun when you’re having flies!

 

What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet?

We’re gonna have a BB!

 

Why do French people eat snails?

Because they don’t like fast food.

 

Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?

He was declared to be in Seine.

 

What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?

Every morning you’ll rise and shine.

 

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

 

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

(Two of my friends had alternate answers: Fauxguini and Lyinguini)

 

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

Where’s Popcorn?

 

What did the digital clock say to its mother?

“Look Ma, no hands!”

(Alternate answer: Was my father a Cuckoo?)

 

What do spiders eat in Paris?

French flies.

 

What do you call a French guy in sandals?

Phillipe Phloppe

 

If runners get athlete’s foot what do astronauts get?

Mistletoe

 

It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. (Not even remotely.)

 

How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?

Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

 

Why did the Easter Egg hide?

Because he was a little chicken.

 

What did Snow White the photographer say?

Some day my prints will come.

 

What did the math book say to the other math book?

Boy do I have problems.

 

Okay, I promise, I’ll stop now. Feel free to share one or two of your favorite jokes in the comments section. I could, obviously, use a little help in the humor department.

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Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “Twenty-five Jokes to Liven Up Your Day

  1. I’m embarrassed to say how many times I had to read the one about the four children before I realized it was Larry. Thanks for the bit of cheer/

    Like

  2. Did you hear about the dyslexic guy who walked into a bra?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. How do you get down off of an elephant?
    You don’t. You get down off of a duck!

    Like

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