MSH reminds me when I start ranting about something and threaten to write about it on my blog, that I always intended for this project to lean toward the positive and optimistic.
Then I remind him that I’m also “keeping it real” which might not always come across as roses and sunshine.
Keeping It Real
How real do I feel comfortable with here on the blog? How real am I comfy with in person? All last month I’ve debated this with myself. And I didn’t write much during that debate. Lost my groove, I guess.
I felt braver a couple of years ago. Bolder. Speaking my mind came easier. Opening up about my life happened naturally and with less reserve.
This past year, in many ways, I’ve caved in on myself. I’ve tucked in the frayed edges. I keep the strained or raveled seams covered. I’ve inched toward a more hermit-like life. I used to do that during the month of January every year. I saw it as a naturally occurring regrouping and recovery from the two or three-month holiday season.
My January recovery session during the past year stretched into eleven other months. Maybe longer.
An online friend of mine wrote a (somewhat annoying) glowing top ten account of his past year for the following reason:
“Things can get difficult, and you never know when I might need to remind myself that these things happened, and how and what I felt like when they did.” ~ Brad McBride
Good reason to write up a top ten, you gotta admit. Even if it annoys semi-irritable people like me.
I’ve just survived a year (2014) where I needed to remind myself of happier times to get myself through the day or the week.
I’ve also just been through a year (2014, yes, same year) with some amazingly wondrous good things happening. I mean A-MAZ-ING! Happiness like nothing I’ve ever known.
Talk about a paradox.
I’ve felt lost and found, abandoned and loved, forlorn and supported, ready to give up and anticipating greatness, numb and electrified. At times hope eluded me and then there it shone like a stunning sunrise nearly blinding me.
So what would be my top ten good things for 2014?
- My oldest daughter’s new baby girl
- The volunteer work I get to do
- Hanging out with my favorite teenager while driving her to and from tutoring
- Spending time with a certain three-year old
- Snuggling from a fun-loving one year old
- Almost the entire family together for a weekend in November
- A Christmas concert extraordinaire
- Summer sunrise walks
- My family reunion – time with Mom and Dad
- Sitting in a high mountain meadow for hours with MSH
See, my life’s filled with wonder and joy. I just forget sometimes. The difficulties can cast such deep long shadows that block out the sunlight in such a way it almost feels like night. I just need to step out of the shade and let the sun warm me from time to time.
Am I Right? Or am I Write?
This blog has been a source of light for me as well. It’s like a conversation I have with myself to sort through things and make sense of the world. So I add a number eleven to my list.
11. This writing thing.
So I’ll keep things real. The good, the ugly, the stunning, the what-the-heck. Life as I see it written down right here just for me.
If you want to follow along, you’re welcome to join me. Just don’t make too much noise. It is morning, after all.