Posts Tagged With: Humor

The Serendipity of Your Birthday On Memorial Day

Dear Kathy,

I find it interesting that your birthday this year also happens to fall on Memorial Day. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you had planned it that way.

I’d really wanted to visit you on your birthday but I’m afraid it’ll be crowded and noisy and I just wanted some quiet one on one time with you. I’d even thought of bringing along some hummus and pita bread to munch. And, of course, a forty-four ounce diet coke, easy ice, with diet cherry flavoring and handful of real cherries.

Instead, I think I’ll come by for a visit in a few weeks, when the crowds have died down (no pun intended) and it’s quiet and peaceful. Hoping it isn’t too hot by then, or too windy. I suppose if your geraniums survive the summer at “your Sarah’s” house nearby then I’d do okay with the summer heat on “the mountain.”

pieces-of-the-puzzleI have to say I have mixed feelings about visiting you. It just won’t be how it was. Of course, what is anymore? Seems like someone took the puzzle that was my life in January, threw it up in the air and let the pieces fall wherever. I think the wind caught a few pieces and carried them away.

Can I also admit something horrible? I’m kinda angry. That sounds really stupid as I write it. All those conversations we had for years about what “now” would look and feel like, all those assignments you gave me, all those things in the far distant future actually happened. At the time of those conversations none of it felt real.

Surreal, yes.

Real, never.

“Now” is here and more real than I imagined and I don’t like it one bit.

See the paisley shape in each one? Not as cool all by itself.

See the paisley shape in each one? Not as cool all by itself.

I’m also a bit aggravated because you set this gold standard for the perfect friendship. Nothing else will ever measure up to that. That’s not really your fault. You couldn’t help it that you were the friendship yin to my yang. Now I’m just a funky looking squiggle, a paisley shape. Dumb and boring.

I keep expecting to run into you. And yet, I avoid going to your house. I’m not following through with those assignments you gave me. I’m a slacker.

Truth is, it hurts too dang much to go over to your place now. Even driving past twists this pain through my back and into my heart and makes an ache that takes days to breath away. I should get over that. Eventually.

I also expect to see you in dreams. I did, a couple of weeks ago. I wrote the dream down in my journal. Reread it a few times. Gave up trying to understand it. Too much like real life. I was hoping for revelation, insight, wisdom, healing, and yes, maybe even laughter. This dream didn’t have any of that in it. But I did see you, your face, that light you have in your eyes. And I heard your bossy, take charge voice, sort of. It had softened some.

This letter probably gets your dander up. You’d tell me to suck it up. You’d say…I don’t know. What would you say?

I can’t remember now. I don’t want to remember. And I do want to remember.

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translation: quit your belly aching

Actually, now that I’ve thought about it, you’d say, “Kwitchurbelyakn!” Just like that little sign on your stove said.

This was meant as a perky, happy letter. One to let you know I’m okay, even though I miss you. I’d planned it out in my head to start with a great joke, share a couple of funny memories, finish with another good joke and then sign off with some witty remark.

You know me better than that. You’d see through the smoke and mirrors and would call BS when you got done reading a letter like that.

What advice would you give me? Can you just drop me a line somehow? You’re one of the most resourceful, innovative women I know. Surely you can do a workaround to get word to me. A mystery text. A phrase in a book I’m reading jumping out at me. A glimpse of your big smile on someone’s face. Be creative, I’m pretty open-minded about however you reach me.

Tall order, I know. Plus, you’re probably pretty busy reorganizing heaven so it runs more efficiently.

Just so you aren’t completely irritated by my whiney letter I’ll let you know I’ve trolled the internet for jokes and I share them, almost every day. Just trying to stay on the sanity side of the grief thing. It seems to help, some.

This quote by Bill Cosby caught my eye and, of course, I thought of you.

“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive. it.” ~ Bill Cosby

You did that really well, so I’m trying to keep up the tradition. Laughter, even in the crappy times. So here’s a parting joke, or a party joke. Whichever.

Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?”

His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”

Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”

You’re a keeper, no matter how demanding you might get. Try to stay out of trouble, if you can. I know you like to stir things up, have things your way. Try to remember you aren’t the one in charge anymore.

This was probably two years ago or more. An eternity and just yesterday.

This was two years ago or more. An eternity and just yesterday.

Here’s that picture I took a couple of years ago that you photoshopped and sent back to me. I should frame it to remind me of your sense of humor, your ability to laugh in life’s toughest situations. Not to mention, I’d get to see that mischievousness in your eyes. And it’d remind me to be happy anyway.

I miss you a ton.

Happy Birthday!

With love from your bestie,

Kami

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Categories: Death, Holiday, Humor | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Twenty-five Jokes to Liven Up Your Day

My cousin texted this photo to me this morning. It’s her view out the front door.

Colorado, May, Northern Hemisphere.

Colorado, May, Northern Hemisphere.

Did I mention that it’s May? In the Northern Hemisphere? The high temperature there today? Thirty-nine. Brrr.

Now here’s the view from my front door.

I think I prefer my view today.

May, Arizona, Northern Hemisphere.

The high temperature here? We’re shooting for eighty-six. Mmm. Not too bad.

I think the joke is on my cousin today.

Don’t worry, she’ll get her revenge in a month or two when it’s one hundred sixteen degrees here and she’s basking in the seventies.

In an attempt to lighten up, I’ve been posting jokes on one of my other social media sites this past month. I thought I ought to share the love a little and post some of those jokes here on my blog. I’ve even thrown in a few new ones that haven’t seen the light of day yet.

Enjoy.

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What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?

A Cockerpoodledoo.

 

What do you call a camel with a hump?

Humphrey.

 

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?

Because their kids have to play inside.

 

A man walked into the doctors, he said, “I’ve hurt my arm in several places.”

The doctor said, “well, stay away from those places.”

 

Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name?

 

I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day…

but I couldn’t find any.

 

What did the mother rope say to her child?

Don’t be knotty.

 

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

― Milton Berle

 

What did one frog say to the other?

Time’s sure fun when you’re having flies!

 

What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet?

We’re gonna have a BB!

 

Why do French people eat snails?

Because they don’t like fast food.

 

Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?

He was declared to be in Seine.

 

What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?

Every morning you’ll rise and shine.

 

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

 

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

(Two of my friends had alternate answers: Fauxguini and Lyinguini)

 

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

Where’s Popcorn?

 

What did the digital clock say to its mother?

“Look Ma, no hands!”

(Alternate answer: Was my father a Cuckoo?)

 

What do spiders eat in Paris?

French flies.

 

What do you call a French guy in sandals?

Phillipe Phloppe

 

If runners get athlete’s foot what do astronauts get?

Mistletoe

 

It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. (Not even remotely.)

 

How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?

Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

 

Why did the Easter Egg hide?

Because he was a little chicken.

 

What did Snow White the photographer say?

Some day my prints will come.

 

What did the math book say to the other math book?

Boy do I have problems.

 

Okay, I promise, I’ll stop now. Feel free to share one or two of your favorite jokes in the comments section. I could, obviously, use a little help in the humor department.

Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

Lizard Breath

We’re gearing up for the onslaught of summer’s heat here in Phoenix. Not a fun prospect, but ways do exist to survive and thrive or at least laugh a little about it.

For instance I snapped this photo last week of a little wall lizard on the outside of my screen door. (I’m sure they have an actual name but I don’t know what it is.)

"Let me in, I'm melting, I'm melting!"

“Let me in, I’m melting, I’m melting!”

 

These little guys are out in force during the summer. From what I can tell they feed on crickets, mostly around the brick walls that encircle and isolate homes in the suburbs.

They don't hold still very long. I was lucky to snap this shot at all.

They don’t hold still very long. I was lucky to snap this shot at all.

My favorite thing to see them do, besides scurrying about is push ups. Yes, they do push ups a la Jack Lalanne. I’m sure it has something to do with heat regulation, or optimizing the shade their bodies create or maybe they’re just into physical fitness. I’ll try to get some video one of these days. Until then you’ll have to rely on your imagination.

The lizards are quite small. Nose to tail they’re only about five inches long.

There are, from a quick google search, approximately sixty lizard species in Arizona. As far as I can tell, I’ve seen one kind. Not so sure I want to meet any of the other kinds. A little too Jurassic Park if you ask me.

What a friendly face.

What a friendly face.

The Geico gecko sounds like a good conversationalist with some wit and snark and might be fun to do lunch with. I’m pretty sure he’s a California lizard, although his accent is tough to pinpoint. You know those Hollywood types…

Speaking of talking lizards, here’s a lizard joke for you. (Laughter is one of our ‘extreme heat’ coping mechanisms around here.)

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a lizard walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the lizard’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the lizard. “Your name is written inside the cover.” ~ jokes4us

Did you know lizards can regrow their tails? Yup. It’s a fact. I suppose that’s handy when your tail is as long as your body and tends to drag a bit. Cats, kids and birds all want to grab at you and they’re most likely going to snatch at your tail. That’s gotta sting a bit when it snaps off. I’m sure there’s some amazing biology involved in that whole process.

funny-lizard-bungee-jump

Don’t try this at home.

 

Sometimes I wonder if my cathartic laughter isn’t actually a little maniacal. The heat here wears on a person. Just the thought of the upcoming incessant thrumming of above one hundred five degree temperatures gives me a headache and makes me thirsty.

We haven’t hit the century mark yet, so I’m getting ahead of myself. Seventeen years here and I still haven’t figured out how to do the snow bird thing. That’d be nice. Or boring. Who wants the same weather year round anyway? Oh yeah, Floridians, Californians, Arizonans. Aliens.

randall

Have you ever wondered why so many aliens and monsters are depicted as lizards? Makes me go hmmmm.

I still consider myself a temporary transplant. One of these days I’m packing up and heading for a different climate. Until then, I’ll laugh a bunch and make the best of it here.

And I’ll keep a lookout for aliens, er, lizards.

 

 

 

 

Categories: Fun, Humor, phoenix | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Whatever It Takes to Put a Smile on My Face

It’s Gratituesday! I’ve found my life runs smoother when there’s laughter generously seasoning and spicing up the day. Some of my most difficult days have still managed to fit humor into the mix. How grateful I am that I figured out laughter’s importance not too far into my adult life.

I’d been a fairly serious child. And a serious teen. And as a young adult things seemed even more weighty and required, I thought, that I keep my head down, my shoulder to the wheel and my focus firmly on life’s intensity and purpose. Luckily, somewhere in there, I found laughter’s power to lift and succor, and it’s magically ability to lighten and encourage.

So today I’m thankful that my six word motto incorporates laughter. And I’m even more grateful that laughter happens often. Whether a great joke on Facebook, a hilarious video shared by a friend, antics of my favorite two-year old, witty repartee between friends, a silly song, or whatever brings it on, I’m glad for laughter in my life. I don’t think I’d get through each day without it.

My unofficial motto.

My unofficial motto.

Here’s a few things that have made me laugh lately. I thought I’d share them with you today, so you can find a moment or two of joy in your day, regardless of what else might weigh you down or have you worried.

A restaurant we ate in recently had funny signs all over the place. This one was my favorite.

Couldn't keep myself from snapping a photo of this one.

Couldn’t keep myself from snapping a photo of this one.

There’s these sort of groan-worthy, but yet, somehow funny puns.
(They work best if you read them aloud. You can thank my cousin who sent them to me.)
  • A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
  • The batteries were given out free of charge.
  • A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
  • With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
  • When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
  • Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  • A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
  • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

The same restaurant also had this sign, which I’m afraid isn’t completely politically correct, but it’s still funny.

Not PC.

Not PC.

This one’s also from my cousin:

 “Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Minot, ND. He said that
since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist-high and is still
falling. The temperature is 32 below zero and the north wind is increasing
to near gale force. Wind chill is -59. His wife has done nothing but look
through the kitchen window and just stare.

 He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.”

One of my favorite bible verses goes something like this: “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” ~ Proverbs 17:22

I hope to keep my bones well moisturized by plenty of laughter and smiles. Lucky for me that’s not too hard to do.

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday, Happiness, Humor | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Laughing Even When it Seems Wrong or Impossible

Kathy loves to laugh. She can see humor in some of the most surprising places. I’ve even heard her chuckle a couple of times this week, in spite of the rapid changes happening to her.

She, more than anyone I know, appreciates a bit of morbid laughter and jokes about dying. Like I’ve said before, there isn’t a topic she’s afraid of. Death certainly wasn’t taboo. Joking about it made it all the more approachable. So here are a few chuckles to lift the mood in the room.

20131228-113206.jpgOn more than one occasion we’ve discussed the movie “Patch Adams” and that wonderful scene between Patch and Bill, but we could never remember all the euphemisms for death that they came up with. So, I finally looked it up.

Patch Adams for real, not the movie version.

Patch Adams for real, not the movie version.

“Death. To die. To expire. To pass on. To perish. To peg out. To push up daisies. To push up posies. To become extinct. Curtains, deceased, Demised, departed And defunct. Dead as a doornail. Dead as a herring. Dead as a mutton. Dead as nits. The last breath. Paying a debt to nature. The big sleep. God’s way of saying, “Slow down.” To check out. 
 To shuffle off this mortal coil. 
 To head for the happy hunting ground. 
: To blink for an exceptionally long period of time. 
 To find oneself without breath.  To be the incredible decaying man.  Worm buffet.  Kick the bucket.  Buy the farm. Take the cab. Cash in your chips.” – Patch Adams

Kathy likes being the center of attention. So this one in particular seems appropriate to share.

20131228-094814.jpgWe’ve taken turns over the past few years being one fish or the other. She, admittedly, was usually the glass half full fish.

20131228-113252.jpgThat thin line between humor and truth can bring out some startling and deep thinking. Calvin and Hobbes  seem wise beyond their years in this one.

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Categories: Cancer, Death, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Self-Explanatory Vacation Humor

Airport-Spa-Massage

vacak cartoon 2

vaca cartoon 1

chickenvacation2

Summer-Vacation-cartoon

Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What a Bunch of Nonsense!

It’s Gratituesday! Today I’m grateful for silliness and nonsense. Yes, you read that correctly.  From seated bleacher “dancing” at the local High School football game, (that band rocks it!) to one liners and zingers on Facebook, from tickling to hot pink sparkly toenails on a woman over a certain age, from nonsensical YouTube video featuring llamas or dancing cats to old cartoons and sitcoms from the dark ages. Whatever the reason for a short break from life’s daily serious menu, I willingly embrace it.

minionsI’m lucky to know friends who’ll scream and giggle like teenagers in spite of being several decades older than the giggly screamer age. Fortunately I also know some quick-witted people who can go toe to toe with me with jokes and nonsense and movie quotes. Happily when our family gets together laughs and guffaws outweigh tension and discord fifty to one.

Life’s full of serious business, contemplative moments, heartache and worry.  I used to scare away potential friends with the weight of the world sitting solidly on my shoulder for all to see.  Laughter didn’t fit in with my earnest desires to make the most of my time on the planet. And then, someone taught me by example years ago that silliness didn’t take anything away from life’s solemnity. In fact, I saw and began to experience the load lightening magic of nonsense, laughter and silliness.

photo-19 copy 9Like downing a huge glass of ice water in the middle of a hot and sweaty task, silliness refreshes and refills and rejuvenates.

Too much of any good thing will cause more harm than good. All silliness and nonsense makes life a shallow pointless effort. Finding a good ratio between “LOL” (laughing out loud) and putting one’s “shoulder to the wheel” might make all the difference in my success at the hard work side of life.

If you happen to see a woman in a little truck doing some car dancing or belting out a tune like she’s some rockstar, it might just be me, taking a silliness break before heading back to my rock and my hard place.

Turn off your serious button and laugh a little. It’ll do you good. Click on these short links.

What is this Car Dancing she talks about?

Who said Cat’s can’t dance?

Okay, maybe llama’s are funny.

Categories: Fun, Gratitude, Gratituesday | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

You Say Tomato, I Say Tamato

More ways than ever to pass on information hasn’t made communicating all that much clearer has it? Or has it? Here’s a few thoughts by other people about how humans attempt to interact.

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said” ~ Peter Drucker

in utero email

 *****

“It’s hard to communicate anything exactly and that’s why perfect relationships

between people are difficult to find.” ~ Gustave Flaubert 

computer joke

If only…

“So much of language is unspoken. So much of language is comprised of looks and gestures and sounds that are not words. People are ignorant of the vast complexity of their own communication.”~ Garth Stein

honk-text

There are definitely some dangerous side-effects to certain ways of communicating.

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

~ George Bernard Shaw

Reminds me of Abelia Bedelia. Remember her?

Reminds me of Abelia Bedelia. Remember her?

Categories: Communication | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happymess is…

photo-17 copy 8

Yes, that’s how I meant to spell it. It’s what home life with children can evolve into. A Big Happymess.

Life with kids is messy. And it’s often happy. Sometimes both things at the same time. Sometimes it’s just messy. Rarely does blissful, unadulterated happiness occur. But it does happen. Often when the children are asleep. But awake time happiness happens, too. Admit it.

Read the following quotations, then you tell me. Does the word Happymess fit when describing family life?

“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” ~ Phyllis Diller

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“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” – Lane Olinhouse

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“What it’s like to be a parent: It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.” – Nicolas Sparks

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“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.” – Dorothy Parker

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“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.” ~ Doug Larson

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“I don’t remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.”– Anne Lamott

“Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.” – Bill Cosby

So what do you think? Am I right? Life’s a happymess, if you take the chaos with a grain of salt. A dose of laughter every day helps, as well.

Remember, If you don’t laugh a bit, you’re gonna cry a lot.

Enjoy the mess.

Categories: Family, parenting | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Party On!

As a wee lass, I measured my life by holidays.

The year began with useless efforts to stay awake until midnight on New Years Eve. Upon waking the next morning after a solid night’s sleep I began the countdown to Valentine’s day and Washington and Lincoln’s birthdays. (that will date me…)

English: A milk chocolate Easter Bunny.

I spent the next four weeks fruitlessly looking for a green clothing item for Saint Patrick’s Day. And was always confused about when I’d get to eat the ears off of my Easter Bunny and slowly savor my foil wrapped chocolate eggs.

Memorial Day meant school would be out for summer break. Mid-summer brought the fourth of July with camping and sparklers. Then Labor Day was the marker for the end of three long and blissful school-free months. The endless two month wait until the Halloween candy-palooza felt like a drought. Thanksgiving quickly followed and then Holiday of holidays, Christmas magic would arrive, marking the end of another year.

Another critically important celebration fell in August, the most important month of the year. Owing to the fact I was born and then yearly celebrated in August, it was my favorite month.

And now other reasons exist to mark my August calendar!

Just so you’ll be aware and not miss out on any epic parties or giveaways, I thought I’d clue you in as well.

COME FLY WITH ME!

Party Balloons

Party time! (Photo credit: redfern.biz)

This week is National Aviation Week: well, technically, the 15th through the 21st, which is aptly enough always the week of Orville Wright’s birthday. That would be today, the 19th. The year was 1871. (Not sure how Wilbur, the older brother, would feel about that. Just for your information he was born on April 16, 1867.) I am eternally grateful for both of them and will celebrate this week appropriately by flying the (hopefully) friendly skies and saving myself a fourteen hour drive and the price of whatever repairs my car would inevitably require along the way. Someone should write a song to celebrate these guys. Seriously. (Haim? Jason?)

SWEET SOMETHINGS

One of the best ways I know to celebrate is with cake. Cupcake Day, coincidently, falls on every third Monday of August. That’s today, the 19th. My DIL (hey there, Stephalicious!) bakes cupcakes of such magnificence it seems almost criminal not to eat more than one. Practically a national secret, her frosting recipe excites every taste bud with delight and deliciousness. The cake itself practically floats into your mouth. The combination of top-secret frosting and rich fluffy cake produces instant joy and relaxation. Makes me really wonder what she puts in them. Hmm.  Alas, until my plane ride later this week, her miniature cakes of wonder are out of reach. Happy Cupcake Day anyway!

Bison Goat

Not leaping, but a goat, nonetheless. (Photo credit: im me)

“NO CRACKERS, GROMIT! WE’VE FORGOTTEN THE CRACKERS!” 

The last holiday I’ll highlight includes a shout out to one of my favorite restaurants in the Phoenix area, Flancer’s. Also known in my household as The Leaping Goat Place. August is, wait for the drum roll ******** (okay, the drummer stepped out for a minute) National Goat Cheese Month! I kid you not. There’s a webpage devoted to this monthlong cheese fest. Everything Feta and beyond exists there. To celebrate I’m thinking several visits to my favorite leaping goat are in order. Once for the “It’s about Thyme” sandwich. Once for the “Prickly Pear” sandwich. And once for something new. That’s three visits in less than twelve days. I might be getting a bit too wild here. 

I love my holidays. Except, as an adult Christmas isn’t as fun as it was when I was a kid. But that is a blog post of a different color.

SPECIAL THANKS!

Thanks to brownielocks.com for their wonderful compilation of as they put it, “Unknown, Unobserved, Untraditional, Silly, Strange, Crazy, Odd, sometimes Bizarre, Goofy, Crazy, Dumb, Wacky, Weird, Wild, Respected and Traditional Holidays or Observances mostly only in the United States.” (Cupcake Day is an  Australian Holiday.)

Check them out. You might find even more reasons to celebrate in your year.

Categories: Food, Fun, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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