Posts Tagged With: Humour

 
 

The Average Person Awards Show

img_7937

From Hallmark.com

I have a very humorous friend on Twitter and Facebook (you should look him up and follow) who posted the following comment last night:

img_7931
and then one of his friends said this:


So I said this:

img_7932
thinking the idea would catch and spread like fire in an August field of dried weeds. But it didn’t. Weird. I suppose everyone was riveted by whatever particular daily famous people awards show was playing.

But I added another of my own: 

and one other guy added: img_7933

So (thanks to Lourie J Kolar whose brilliant idea it was) I thought I’d write up some more of my own categories for:

The Average Person Awards Show!! 

*Cue annoying music that cuts off mid-measure*

Here to present this year’s categories, wearing Riders Slim Fit She’s Not Kidding Anyone Jeans, with a Kohl’s 30% off three quarter sleeve purple fake sparkly T-shirt highlighted by her plain gold 36 year old wedding band is none other than the woman who everyone mistakes as their long lost aunt, cousin, neighbor or old girlfriend, Kami Tilby.

*Sound of crickets.*

Thank you for holding your applause. Let’s get right to it.

Category 1:

For Outstanding Efforts in Resisting the Call of Social Media when Real Life was More Important.

Category 2:

Working on a College Degree While Holding Down a Full Time Job and Supporting a Family.

Category 3:

For Holding Your Tongue When A Witty Response Would Have Been Stunning But Hurtful

And in the same category for the shorter interest span: Deleting A Scathing Comment Before Posting It and Walking Away From the Electronic Device.

Category 4:

Staying Up All Night With Your Kid/Mom/Spouse/Friend while they Puked/Cried/Seizured/Melted Down and Still Carried On a Full Day after No Sleep

Category 5:

Most Creative Multiple Late Excuse Note Writing for a Junior Or Senior in High School

Category 6:

Fixing Dinner for the Gazillionth Time Without Complaining Outloud

Category 7:

Waking Up and Going Off to Earn a Living for the Trillionth Time With No Recognition or Applause and Not Breaking Windows or Rioting While Having the Government Take Thirty Percent

Category 8:

Speaking Kindly and Forgiving that Sibling Who Still Pushes your Buttons
So The Family Can Be Together in Peace

Category 9:

Stretching a Dollar Past Its Physical Capacity to Feed A Family Well Beyond Reason

Special Semi-Political Category Because It’s My Blog and I Can Do What I Want:

Public School Teachers Who Selflessly Work Well Beyond Their Compensated Time to Meet All Standards Prescribed and to Teach, Cajole, Love, Care For and Protect Children They Aren’t Even Related To While They Get to Hold Down a Second Job to  Pay for the Opportunity to Work the First One.

Category 10:

Single Mothers and Single Fathers Who Do The Work Normally Handled By Two People and Still Raise Nice Kids Who Respect Women, the Elderly and Children

Category 11:

Starting a Small Business on a Feather and a Lot of Sweat and Prayer Against All Odds and In the Face of Economic Ruin

Category 12:

Being Honest and Trustworthy and Maintaining Integrity Even When It Costs You Your Job

A LOT MORE POTENTIAL CATEGORIES

Make up your own category and comment below. Nominate someone. Heck, nominate yourself. A few people need to be recognized for the outstanding everyday effort they put out continually and will never ever be noticed or applauded for it.

And no, this is not some lame, participation award people get just for showing up. There, I said it.

Maybe we just need to hand out compliments to people we know for a job well done. Thank the kid who cleans up after you’ve spilled popcorn while watching that movie. Thank the people who fill in potholes, keep the electricity running, haul off your trash, and clean up the parks. Give a high-five to whoever you think deserves it, because they probably do.

We can all use a little recognition for our efforts, don’t ya think?

This next part is the very important small print but in average size:

Voting for this year’s categories will be accepted until February 28. You can vote if you’re an average person. No famous persons allowed. Sorry. Being Average has its privileges. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: Awards, People, Priorities, The World | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Have You Met Your Laugh Quota this Week?

When did you last have an all out, stomach grabbing, nearly fall off of your chair belly laugh?

I ask myself that very question every couple of weeks, as a kind of mental health checkup. If I’m not getting in a great laugh at least once a week, then I need to find a really good comedy to watch or read. Better yet, I need my cousin to email me some great jokes. She has a great sense of humor and wonderful comedic timing.

Laugh

It’s been a while since I’ve had a good laugh, so I’ve been online looking for something to tickle my funny bone. What follows is a few choice results of good, clean funny stuff my marathon running cousin has sent me in the past couple of years. Thanks, “cuz” for the great laughs!

I hope you enjoy a good chortle or giggle, like I did.

New Definitions

This one’s been circulated a bunch because it’s funny. Take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some winners:


Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido : All talk and no action.

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

Alternate Meanings for Common Words

Here’s some alternate meanings for common words: 

1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. absent-mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

Comics

Comics (Photo credit: Richard Masoner / Cyclelicious)

Titles of some of the World’s Shortest Books: (warning, not Politically Correct)

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY 
By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
And Prefaced by George Soros

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL 
By Hillary Clinton

Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
 By Bill Clinton

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
 By Bill Gates

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY 
By Dennis Rodman

GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
 By Amelia Earhart

Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

A Few Precious Years of Laughter

It’s Gratituesday! Today I’m thankful for the sweetness of elementary school-aged children. In many of them there still abides an innocence and freshness to their view of the world. I heard two jokes today from a friend’s daughter that reminded me of that precious time of life.

Giving credit where credit is due, these jokes came from the mouth of Kyrsten and brought a lightness to my heart and a smile to my face.

“Why did the football stadium get so hot when the game was over? 

-Because all the fans walked out!”

Kawasaki-Electric Fan

Kawasaki-Electric Fan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I love the image of hundreds of spinning fans wobbling out of a stadium chatting about the game.  Don’t you?

Then there was this one:

“Why can’t banks keep any secrets?

– because there are so many tellers.”

Old bank building

Old bank building (Photo credit: Mr Wabu)

Ten years old, bright with a sense of humor that finds delight in simple, clean word play.There’s no guile, no manipulation, no hidden agenda. How wonderful those few precious years of newness and wonder! Reminds me of my own young childhood. How lucky I was to have had that.

Reminders that such a unsullied view of the world still exists make my heart grateful and give me hope.

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday, Hope, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Smile, and the World Smiles With You

I’m not sure when it happened but I adopted a coping skill that is best described by a quote from a famous American humorist and writer.

“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it “– Erma Bombeck

I’m not sure why I started laughing, or creating a joke in stressful situations.  I didn’t decide I was going to do it.  I didn’t read about it as a way to alleviate tension or anxiety.  There was no epiphany where I suddenly saw humor as a temporary solution to contention.  It just happened.  Like jumping at a sudden loud sound, this was reflexive. When a friend pointed out to me that I had this ability to defuse a situation with humor, it surprised me.

I just don’t deal with anger very well, mine or others’.  Tears I can handle.  But anger unmoors me and sets me adrift.  I want to run from the room if someone is angry or mean or bitter.  I don’t like the taste or texture of anger.

I’m not much of a comedian. I might not be able to neutralize a bad scene for others, but I can alleviate my own internal reaction to what’s going on around me.

Sure, laughter isn’t going to bring us world peace, smiling might not cure hunger, being happy may not rid the earth of heartache.  But, I’ve found that looking on the shinier side of things, having a hopeful point of view is easier than the other options and makes the tough stuff more bearable.

Here are some great quotes on humor, laughter and smiling that say more than I ever could on the subject.  That’s why they’re quotable.  Enjoy.

Dealing with Life’s Difficulties

There is a proverb that says, “ A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”

 “What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.” -Yiddish Proverb

“The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.”  -William Shakespeare, Othello

“Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it. “ -Unknown

Humor can improve your life in many ways:

“A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.”  -Charles Gordy

“Laughter is inner jogging.”- unknown

”Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.”  -Victor Hugo

It can sometimes forge or improve relationships

English: Danish American comedian Victor Borge...

Danish American comedian Victor Borge, in 1990 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“A smile is a curve that can set everything straight.” – Phyllis Diller

”Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. “-Victor Borge

“Everyone smiles in the same language.” – unknown

I hope you find a reason to smile, or laugh today.  If you have read a great article, blog, joke or story, or have seen a video or photo that makes you laugh, please share!

Categories: Humor, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: