Posts Tagged With: silliness

Just Joking Around As Usual

After three months I’m still posting a joke or two a day as my status update on Facebook. I’ve read through a passel of really lame ones to winnow out a few chuckle worthy ones to share. Wish I were naturally funny and could just make them up on my own.

For nothing other than your sheer enjoyment, here’s a random bunch I gleaned from the pack.

Hope you get a laugh or two. 

 

iamyourfather

 

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says, “Get out! We don’t want your type in here!”

fonts

This morning I went to the bank and asked a teller to check my balance, so she pushed me.

laugh 3

One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”

“It depends,” his wife replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”

He yelled back, “Arizona State University.”

 

washing

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.

It’s impossible to put down.

earth

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath….This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

lemon

If life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.

melons

A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like YOUR mother-in-law better than I like mine!”

question mark

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

An acquaintance told me that her husband and she divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and she didn’t.

laughing2

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.

The bartender asks,”Olive or twist?”

oliver twist

 

 

Ham and eggs. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

pig-01

Two parrots were sitting on a perch.

One says to the other, ‘Can you smell fish?’

perch

 

“I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper’s jammin’ again.”

 

marley jamming

Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, “Hey, you just stole an electron from me!”

“Are you sure?” asks the second atom.

To which the first atom replies, “Yeah, I’m positive!”

 + + + 

“Two peanuts walk into a really rough bar. Unfortunately, one was a salted.”

peanuts

Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush.

toothbrush

 

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define “great” he replied, ‘I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!’

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

blue screen

 

Middle C, E Flat and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

note

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog’s duties.

“They use him to keep crowds back, “said one youngster.

“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”

A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”

dalmation

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes. wink

A pregnant woman went into labor and began to yell, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

She was having contractions.  ~ Garrison Keillor

 

laugh 3

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”

 

lightbulbHow many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws the lightbulb into a water faucet.

cockroaches

Normal around here is just a setting on the dryer.

smile

 

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Categories: Fun, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Stir in A Teaspoon of Silliness and a Pinch of Nonsense

It’s Gratituesday! Today I’m grateful for those little nonsense moments of inane laughter that happen on occasion. For me, now that the kids have all flown away, those moments come most often disguised as a video clip, a status update or a tweet.

I know, it sounds really pathetic. And maybe it is, but I don’t care.

My daily laughter happens one way or another. Some days more than others. Other days I simply shake my head (SMH) and sigh at the stupidity without the laughter. Depends on my mood, actually. What’s funny one day might not strike me as funny the next day.

My kids have always provided the best laughs. They still do, but mostly by saying, “hey, did you watch this video on Facebook?” Or, “did you see this joke yet?”

Long before I joined Facebook my kids shared tickle-my-funny-bone stuff like the Llama song. I still crack up every single time I see it.

And the Russian Car Dance video? Totally makes my day. I still want to make up my own car dance. Haven’t yet. I think I need a posse to do it, y’know a group of people in the car with too much sugar in their system and too many miles under their seats. We could rock some of those tunes. I’m sure of it. Maybe not enough to make our own video, but it’d be fun, at least.

One of my favorite tweeters can make me chuckle as well:

Abe also teaches first grade, so he has great material to work with.

Abe also teaches first grade, so he has great material to work with.

Lately more than the normal amount of cat and dog videos have made the rounds. I reveled along with that Siberian Husky running through a pile of leaves. I felt like I was living vicariously for a few moments through that dogs obvious joy and abandon at such fun.

I secretly take joy in the videos where the cats get their comeuppance. That’s probably because I inherited my Dad’s cat tuning genes. Not to mention cats often get a bit uppity, as clearly evidenced by nearly any cat video out there, of which there are millions.

No apologies today. I’m just grateful that I can laugh at all. I don’t always feel like laughing, even though I know it’s good for me.

Please feel free to send me a link to your favorite laugh-inducing nonsense. I’m sure we could all use an extra laugh or two.

Happy Gratituesday!

Categories: Fun, Gratitude, Gratituesday, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Whatever It Takes to Put a Smile on My Face

It’s Gratituesday! I’ve found my life runs smoother when there’s laughter generously seasoning and spicing up the day. Some of my most difficult days have still managed to fit humor into the mix. How grateful I am that I figured out laughter’s importance not too far into my adult life.

I’d been a fairly serious child. And a serious teen. And as a young adult things seemed even more weighty and required, I thought, that I keep my head down, my shoulder to the wheel and my focus firmly on life’s intensity and purpose. Luckily, somewhere in there, I found laughter’s power to lift and succor, and it’s magically ability to lighten and encourage.

So today I’m thankful that my six word motto incorporates laughter. And I’m even more grateful that laughter happens often. Whether a great joke on Facebook, a hilarious video shared by a friend, antics of my favorite two-year old, witty repartee between friends, a silly song, or whatever brings it on, I’m glad for laughter in my life. I don’t think I’d get through each day without it.

My unofficial motto.

My unofficial motto.

Here’s a few things that have made me laugh lately. I thought I’d share them with you today, so you can find a moment or two of joy in your day, regardless of what else might weigh you down or have you worried.

A restaurant we ate in recently had funny signs all over the place. This one was my favorite.

Couldn't keep myself from snapping a photo of this one.

Couldn’t keep myself from snapping a photo of this one.

There’s these sort of groan-worthy, but yet, somehow funny puns.
(They work best if you read them aloud. You can thank my cousin who sent them to me.)
  • A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
  • The batteries were given out free of charge.
  • A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
  • With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
  • When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
  • Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  • A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
  • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

The same restaurant also had this sign, which I’m afraid isn’t completely politically correct, but it’s still funny.

Not PC.

Not PC.

This one’s also from my cousin:

 “Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Minot, ND. He said that
since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist-high and is still
falling. The temperature is 32 below zero and the north wind is increasing
to near gale force. Wind chill is -59. His wife has done nothing but look
through the kitchen window and just stare.

 He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.”

One of my favorite bible verses goes something like this: “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” ~ Proverbs 17:22

I hope to keep my bones well moisturized by plenty of laughter and smiles. Lucky for me that’s not too hard to do.

Categories: Gratitude, Gratituesday, Happiness, Humor | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Self-Explanatory Vacation Humor

Airport-Spa-Massage

vacak cartoon 2

vaca cartoon 1

chickenvacation2

Summer-Vacation-cartoon

Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What a Bunch of Nonsense!

It’s Gratituesday! Today I’m grateful for silliness and nonsense. Yes, you read that correctly.  From seated bleacher “dancing” at the local High School football game, (that band rocks it!) to one liners and zingers on Facebook, from tickling to hot pink sparkly toenails on a woman over a certain age, from nonsensical YouTube video featuring llamas or dancing cats to old cartoons and sitcoms from the dark ages. Whatever the reason for a short break from life’s daily serious menu, I willingly embrace it.

minionsI’m lucky to know friends who’ll scream and giggle like teenagers in spite of being several decades older than the giggly screamer age. Fortunately I also know some quick-witted people who can go toe to toe with me with jokes and nonsense and movie quotes. Happily when our family gets together laughs and guffaws outweigh tension and discord fifty to one.

Life’s full of serious business, contemplative moments, heartache and worry.  I used to scare away potential friends with the weight of the world sitting solidly on my shoulder for all to see.  Laughter didn’t fit in with my earnest desires to make the most of my time on the planet. And then, someone taught me by example years ago that silliness didn’t take anything away from life’s solemnity. In fact, I saw and began to experience the load lightening magic of nonsense, laughter and silliness.

photo-19 copy 9Like downing a huge glass of ice water in the middle of a hot and sweaty task, silliness refreshes and refills and rejuvenates.

Too much of any good thing will cause more harm than good. All silliness and nonsense makes life a shallow pointless effort. Finding a good ratio between “LOL” (laughing out loud) and putting one’s “shoulder to the wheel” might make all the difference in my success at the hard work side of life.

If you happen to see a woman in a little truck doing some car dancing or belting out a tune like she’s some rockstar, it might just be me, taking a silliness break before heading back to my rock and my hard place.

Turn off your serious button and laugh a little. It’ll do you good. Click on these short links.

What is this Car Dancing she talks about?

Who said Cat’s can’t dance?

Okay, maybe llama’s are funny.

Categories: Fun, Gratitude, Gratituesday | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Five Ways to Drive Yourself Bonkers

A delayed evening flight is a bad excuse for imbibing in caffeinated beverages. Don’t do it. As soon as you do, the flight will miraculously depart and arrive on schedule. And you? You’ll still be wide awake at 3:45 in the morning writing drivel on the computer when you should be dreaming of a deserted island with a hammock and unlimited iced lemonades.

A Hammock on a tropical beach.

The Perfect Dream Hammock on a tropical beach. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m sure myriad other ways exist for driving yourself bonkers. But this list seems pertinent to my week as I prepare for a wedding reception for my daughter who got married last week. Remember last week? It feels like months ago.

If you have a big event coming up maybe you can learn from my short list.

Five Ways to Drive Yourself Bonkers:

  1. Worry about things you have no control over.
  2. Assume you can do everything yourself and don’t ask for help, even when help is offered.
  3. Wear something brand new to an important event without having sat down, stood up, walked around in and gotten in and out of a car while wearing it.
  4. Try to find something interesting to watch on broadcast television after 10 p.m.
  5. Put off important details until the last-minute. (See number 4 above)

That felt a little negative and sarcastic. (Ya think?) Let’s try a different tack:

Five Ways to Recover from Your Own Mistakes

  1. Pretend that you planned for things to work out the way they did.
  2. Learn to delegate and to graciously accept help.
  3. Take a power nap and then eat some chocolate.
  4. Read a great book while sipping a cool beverage and ignoring your texts, tweets, reminders and calls.
  5. Fall asleep while reading (see 4 above) and stay that way as long as possible.

Not very realistic, for me anyway. Maybe I should fling caution to the wind (sorry, a cliché) and go all out:

Five Things I Would Do Differently Next Time I’m in Charge of Something Humongous.

  1. Rob a bank and hire out all the work. Every. Last. Detail.
  2. Start a meticulous daily to-do list months in advance and don’t allow myself access to any media or chocolate until the days’ tasks are done.
  3. Book a cruise to anywhere for the week of that event.
  4. Just say no? (See how effective that was…I can’t even write a sentence that sounds declarative and forceful.)
  5. Develop amnesia.

Okay, Okay, I can do this. Really, truly. Seriously. One more try for the Gipper. (What does that mean anyway? Remind me to look it up.)

Five Brilliant Insights That Will Save You Heartache and Improve Your Life and Save Your Sanity:

  1. Understand that you’re human and things aren’t going to turn out perfectly.
  2. Accept that life happens and that detours, side trips, distractions and worries are part of the process.
  3. Someday you’ll be able to look back on this and laugh. Someday in the far, far future.
  4. Remember the Beanie Baby. (Not sure if that really applies, but it just came to mind, it must mean something.)
  5. Love these people in your life, even when it gets bonkers.
Categories: Humor, Mental Health | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Tuning the Cat

“If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.

—   Douglas Adams

English: This feral cat is about to drink wate...

Have I mentioned that my dad is a cat tuner? Yes, you read that correctly, a cat tuner. No it’s not a Boston-accent kind of fish.

The best I can do is illustrate how he goes about tuning a cat.

My youngest brother had a cat named Car Keys.  Now Car Keys would be lounging about, sleeping, minding his own business in some quiet corner. Dad would slink up beside Car Keys and in one swift movement stamp his foot, clap his hands and let out an ear-piercing whistle. That poor kitty would leap about three feet into the air, let out a yowl and take off running out of dead sleep.

“That is how you tune a cat,” my dad would say, laughing.

He was simply honing the cat’s natural instincts.

Another time Dad might pick up Car Keys and snuggle him, pet that sweet spot behind the ears, love on that cat as if it were the best friend he ever had. Car Keys would get all comfortable and feel loved and cared for.  At about that point Dad would gently toss the cat on to the roof.

You know if he could speak that cat would be saying, “*$($%*@(??*!!!!” Which is simply cat language for “what the heck?”

If I were that cat I’d leap down on Dad’s head and claw his ears apart. But no, Car Keys would slink about the roof looking for an easy way down.  That cat liked to hang out on the roof after a while. I think it figured out Dad couldn’t sneak up on him very easily up there.

Having been the instrument of many of dad’s tunings, Car Keys didn’t, surprisingly, run away when he was around. That cat would still rub up against Dad’s leg, meow at him with affection and interest, and generally treat Dad like a regular person. Maybe it was Car Key’s way of proving to Dad that he wasn’t going to be manipulated, changed, or tuned.

I think Dad ’s also keeping himself sharp and tuned, like a young kid. That’s how he stays young, by being mischievous. That twinkle in his eye comes from seeing the world through a humorous lens.  I think his mind is always thinking, “What can I do to liven things up, stir the pot, or kick things up a notch?”

Another brother’s cat lives with Mom and Dad nowadays. It seems to tolerate Dad’s tuning and teasing. It still snuggles up to him, doesn’t scratch him, and brings him dead critters it caught in the field as gifts of love.

If people were more like cats, or least like the cats my Dad has tuned, life would be a heck of a lot calmer and there’d be less contention.  It’s as if those cats get my Dad. They understand he’s not mean. He’s just being silly and having fun. The cat mentality is so chill and relaxed, so forgiving and easygoing that none of Dad’s antics can keep it ruffled for long. People need to chill out, learn to laugh, relax, forgive, move on.

Come to think of it, Dad used to tune us kids. We’d be riding in the front seat of the truck or car, with him at the wheel, watching the scenery blowing past, relaxed and  feeling good. There wasn’t much conversation usually. Next thing you know Dad would let out a whoop or an ear-piercing whistle and grab that tickle spot on just above your knee caps on the outside edged. We’d yelp and leap about four feet, which is tough to do in a vehicle with a low roof.

He’d chuckle and, once our heart rate slowed down a bit. Oh, we’d be in tune, but wary.

Never could return the favor.

Dang it.

Categories: Family, Humor, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Emotionally Hydrated in a Dry Heat

Call me strange.

Not quite the epic beginning as Moby Dick’s “Call me Ishmael.” But it will do.

No I’m not starting a novel, don’t worry. I just find myself reviewing my life lately. Which is something I usually avoid religiously, especially if I’m a bit overtired.

What I stumbled on in my revelry and self-scoriation was this bit of wisdom and light:

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22

Those fifteen words, strung together in the specific order they’re in, have made a world of difference for me.

medicine?

(Photo credit: Brenda Anderson)

I took life so seriously, for so many years. I didn’t see much room for laughter or joking, for silliness or play. And then a series of people taught me without even trying, that there needs to be, and can be, joy amid the sorrow and laughter even when the world is pressing in.

Some days I think the only thing that gets me through is the ability to smile in spite of it all.

And some days seem filled to the brim with joy and laughter.

Stumbling on the idea of intentional happiness as a daily balm, a kind of lotion for my soul, has made all the difference.

I choose to see the positive. At least I try to.

Call me strange.

Categories: Humor, Joy, Mental Health | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Unmatchable Pleasure of Puddle Jumping

The rarity of rain in the desert brings out the oddness in some of us dry skinned, somewhat parched critters. Today’s downpour, complete with a bit of surprising lightning, reminds me of some delicious memories.

We don’t live in a rural area, but we have rural patches of neighborhoods in the landscape of our town that haven’t been incorporated into the city. This leaves wonderful one and two acre lots with farm animals, irrigation, bumpy roads without curbs, traditional  on post mailboxes out front of the houses, and best of all, a sense of the history of this former farming community turned big city suburb.

2000 Jeep Cherokee

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I used to drive my youngest daughter to fifth and sixth grade, usually taking a short stretch of county road. On rainy days the water would flow haphazardly on the edges of the road in huge muddy puddles. At the time we were driving a well-loved older model Jeep Cherokee with four-wheel drive.

Did you know if you’re going just the right speed and hit a puddle at a certain spot you’ll get a wide arching wall of water that can shoot out a good twenty feet? My daughter and I discovered that one drizzly morning.

Rainy school mornings took on a whole different feel for us. The anticipation of knowing we’d get to splash and spray our way to the school motivated us so we were usually ready to go earlier than usual. We called these mornings puddle jumping days.

Fortunately no one was ever walking the muddy shoulder of the road on rainy days. Approaching a glistening pool of brown water filled us with excitement. The sensation of tires hitting the edge of the puddle was answered with a marvelous shower and spray of water propelling outward and upward in an artistic chocolate sweep. Sometimes, depending on the depth of the puddle and the angle the tires hit the water, we’d end up covering the jeep in a  deluge of mucky water. Fortunately I usually had the wipers already going due to the rain pouring down.

Child enjoys a puddle in Vancouver, B.C., Canada.

Does this look fun, or what? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We aimed for puddle after puddle all the way down the road. I’m sure any onlookers thought we were high school troublemakers raising havoc. The goats and sheep looked on in bemused silence. We left behind emptied puddles and chaos.

Ah, we laughed our way to school those days.

I still can’t resist a puddle on the side of the road, whether I’m walking or driving. I want to make a splash, soak everything in sight then look behind me at the mayhem.

Today is gonna be a great one!

Categories: Joy, Memory Lane, Outdoors | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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