Posts Tagged With: Winter solstice

Flummoxed

The sun rose from the southern sky this morning. Okay, maybe it leaned a bit to the east, but not by much. I wondered if winter solstice got ignored, or the axis of the earth shifted a bit over the past few days. I wouldn’t have noticed with how sidetracked and discombobulated I’ve felt.

So yeah, apparently, we’ve bypassed winter solstice and moved into a new phase of the earth/sun cycle.

I suppose it’s possible that the sun has risen further south every day for months and I’ve only just today noticed. In fact, that’s the more likely explanation isn’t it?

Reason flew out the window, though.

Barometer Glass

Barometer Glass (Photo credit: cobalt123)

It feels to me like the other way around. A change in the cosmic mechanisms of the universe feels more likely. Cogs slipping, everything off kilter just a bit. At least in my heart and in my head that’s what’s happening. So if the sun chose to follow along, I’d completely understand.

There’s more to it than the angle of the sunlight, lower and more southern than normal. My wildflowers pushed up through the rocky soil of the front yard four weeks ago. Normally those tenacious little seedlings wait until after December and sometimes into late January to show off their leaflets.

But not this year. Nope. My front yard’s awash in a carpet of green. African Daisies cover the majority of the area, but even the California Poppies have spread out and filled in normally barren areas. Odd.

I blame it on the ridiculous three-day rainfall we experienced around Thanksgiving time. Our winter rains, traditionally a December thing, showed up early and often.

As further proof that nature’s off-balance, the trees are dropping bright orange leaves as if we live in New England in the fall. That usually happens in a much less colorful way in January, when we have a freeze, the leaves turn brown overnight and then a windstorm rips them from the branches a week or two later.  But not this year.

There’s frost covering the lawn at the park every morning as well. There’s a solid white sheet draped over the whole expanse of green, giving it an aged patina with a bite of cold. As the sun inches up, (from the south) a kind of steamy fog lifts off the surface of the grass and gives the area a Middle Earth feel. If Hobbits and Trolls and Elves start tromping about the earth’s surface around here I won’t startle one tiny bit.

We’ve even had some unseasonably warm temperatures. High seventies, flirting with eighties, in December! Kids run barefoot in the grass that hours earlier wore an icy film. How is that possible?

Because, as I’ve been trying to tell you, everything’s flummoxed.

flum·moxed 
adjective
1. bewildered or perplexed.

Confusion abounds here in the desert this year.

It all matches my internal environment, that tundra in my mind and heart. A little lost, uncertain, trying to leaf and bloom, drenched in sweat and rain, changing colors and moods in a confusing array of signals about what life is or is not going to do next.

Aneroid barometer

Aneroid barometer (Photo credit: explainthatstuff)

If the sun decides to rise from the north or even from the west tomorrow I’d just nod and say, “of course, that stands to reason.” If snow decides to fall from a desert sky and settle in among the cactus needles, I’d not wonder at such a rarity.

Honestly the most appropriate weather, to match my internal barometer, would rain down in torrents a cold, soaking waterfall of heaven’s tears to mingle with my own.

Any day now a dam will burst and earth will fill with sorrow.

At least for a while.

Categories: Cancer, Death, Nature, Outdoors | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Beauty of Frost, The Power of Sunlight

Happy Winter Solstice!! Enjoy the sun while its up for its shortest amount of time all year.

Frost

Frost (Photo credit: ahisgett)

Been looking out across the park this morning at a layer of frost.  If I didn’t live in the desert I might have thought it was a smattering of snow.  We get frost here about a dozen times over the winter months. Fortunately I can usually just throw some sheets over my potted flowers, my veggie garden and a couple of frost sensitive plants.  They stay just cosy enough under that thin layer of fabric to keep from freezing. That just about defines our winter.

If only it were so easy to keep my flowers flourishing in the summertime here.  The price we pay for the extremely mild winter is an inversely proportionate brutal summer.  But that is a distance memory as well as a future I’m going to pretend away for now.

Here’s  a quote by Albert Camus that seems fitting, in a way:

“In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”            

Some days, this quote seems more true than others. On good days, it feels very true.  On days with too much weight in them, too many obstacles piled up, I’m not so sure I believe it.

Frost Ferns

Frost Ferns (Photo credit: CaptPiper)

Maybe that’s the problem right there. My lack of belief in myself.  I doubt my strengths, my ability to cope.  Which is silly.  Why doubt when I have evidence mounted to the ceiling that says otherwise?

Is it human nature to doubt ourselves?  Some people seem so sure of themselves, so sure of their invincibility, so confident.  Or is that a front, an act, a fakery?

I once had an impromptu discussion with a group of women about how we’re taught to see ourselves.  I still have the napkin that someone wrote on while we were talking. (thanks, Christine)  What we see in television and movies, in advertisements, in books, what we observe in human relationships, all tell us what the world expects us to be. Which is silly, mindless, inconsequential and powerless.  Think about it, look at the television shows you watch and tell me that isn’t what’s portrayed.

We decided that who and what we really are is more along these lines:

wise, sober, fun, intelligent, creative, focused, insightful, important, beloved, valuable, respected, powerful, influential, dependable, impactful, independent, stalwart, self-sufficient.

When was the last time you saw a person portrayed this way?  Do you believe those things about yourself?  Do I believe those things about myself.

Can I be fun without being mindless and silly? Do I really believe that I am respected, valuable and loved? Do I realize that I can have an impact, that I am powerful and influential? Do I feel, am I, independent and self-sufficient? Do I have insight, am I focused, am I creative and wise?

Maybe I need to remind myself every single day that I am all of those strong, good things.

Maybe the warmth and sunlight within me, needs to shine stronger to burn off the frost that the world would cover me with.

English: Winter Sunlight in Commonty Wood.

English: Winter Sunlight in Commonty Wood. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Here’s a fun, revival version of a song that might add a kick to your step today while it reminds you of your own sunlight and power.

This Little Light of Mine 

Categories: Joy, Outdoors, Wondering | Tags: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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